Marriage is hot news these days...well, I suppose it always is, given our collective proclivity for foolish choices and the 24/7 nothing-is-sacred-or-secret world we all live in.
But, I have an issue with people who will so readily wave their hand and declare marriage "old-fashioned," "outmoded," "not working" with our 21st century sensibilities.
I just listened to a radio program on this topic - between a comedienne (married 20 yrs/cheated/on the way to divorce) and her friend (married and thus far wants to make it work) and their two different perspectives on marriage. While the snickering is a bit much (and perhaps just the comedienne's unfortunate natural laugh), the overall conversation was fairly interesting.
I also recently read Elizabeth Weil's piece in the NYTimes Magazine. Granted, her thesis was presented in written form rather than spontaneous, broadcast form, and thus, more cogent. For the most part, I'd say her account rang true in most regards.
Now for my two paragraphs: I'd posit that marriage has ALWAYS been a complex relationship between not only two individuals, but all the literal and figurative people that have been and will continue to be a part of those individuals' lives; I'd say all of our quirks/obsessions/gifts/talents ultimately are forged and formed in the kiln of interpersonal interaction, or lack thereof -- we are people and so are ultimately in a near-constant tug of war between craving for and fear of relationships with other people. So we haven't entered into a new reality in that sense, although the number of "people" has exploded when we consider all of the different conduits for "relationship" (i.e., online, virtual), while the trend for depth of relationships is shrinking - many are about as deep as the bowl of a contact lens.
What has changed: our exposure, although it tends to be quite superficial in the main, is expanding each second. And with exposure comes potential comparison - unbridled comparison - with every other person/situation/"dream life" you encounter. I am attempting to paraphrase a Buddhist teacing - that all suffering springs from comparison, between what one has and what one wishes to have or desires.
Am I saying that if we'd compare less and accept more we'd be less miserable? Possibly...I suppose we might also be less inventive, less passionate, less "dreamy" if we simply accepted cold, lumpy porridge and never considered that there might be an alternative, like filet mignon or tiramisu.
But comparison, and striving aside, I also wonder if it is right or just to treat people, especially people one loves, as a commodity to be traded, discarded, replaced, ignored - as a meal to be savored, yes, but ultimately excreted.
Hmmm...lots of mixed metaphors...not the last we've heard on this one.
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