The wolphin knows...

One way to approach God

Following a retreat day, I'm inspired to boost my prayer life.

I came across this little gem on The Little Way of St. Therese of Lisieux:

St Therese once wrote that she could not understand how anyone could be afraid of a God who became a child. She also knew that she would never be perfect. Therefore, she went to God as a child approaches a parent . . . with open arms and a profound trust.

No qualifiers provided...

It is amusing to me that I receive completely random comments, generally from perfect strangers, telling me, in essence, that I ought to be "smart enough" to find a different employer. Mind you, this is typically without any clear understanding of 1) what I do or 2)what my employer does. Please, don't let details get in the way of your preconceived, narrow views.

I don't think they mean disrespect toward me, per se, but the sheer ignorance of their statements is mind-boggling. And those offering such opinions are usually on the "more educated" end of the spectrum. Is this an instance of "book smart, interpersonally challenged?" Perhaps.

Brown sugar -- dang! you hurt so not good!

Check out my new baking photo album...a picture based account of my adventures in baking...as I now type with a giant blister on my index finger, due to the rather dingaling move of pushing on a brown sugar lump while microwaving said brown sugar because it was hard. The manufacturer wasn't kidding when they said that microwaved sugar is HOT and you SHOULD NOT touch it. Duh.

What is it...

about deadlines that sends me down the Web rabbit hole? I guess it's a form of procrastination - and here's the reality - I've got but a few hours to bang out two articles. Two articles, by the way, that I have not a great deal of interest in writing. So they will likely be mediocre.

I frequently favor rumination as my means to the end - that being completion of said deadlines. So I just let it tumble about in my brain while doing other things...like Rosie the Robot, if you will.

But here's the thing - the rabbit hold almost INVARIABLY leads me to sad places...obituaries, haunting testimonials about pain, loss, grief and (gulp) forgiveness. So what's that prime mover getting at here?

let go

go on

Ah, what would Rosie do?

On resolutions, old & new

Given the season, I've been giving thought to what I've done to myself, through my own actions or inactions, over the years. It has been a mildly depressing review, but, on balance, invigorating.

I read this post by Therese Borchard today, and felt that niggling sense of remembrance, familiarity. Yes, I've been a people pleaser when it was convenient. And while that is sometimes a good choice to make, the habitual "giving in" to others' whims, manipulations and pettiness falls more into the category of self-abuse and BAD decision making.

So upon review of my "gutless wonder" moments, which recently spiked, I have determined the following. Standing up for myself, my health and my well-being isn't evil. It's 100% necessary.

The other night I found myself watching Joel Osteen - it was sort of like sitting down to eat a bowl of mashed potatoes - comforting, a bit mushy, warm...I've not read any of his books, and I'm not a habitual consumer of televangelism, but it was a low point and I needed a boost. And the man said something that made sense: that self-abuse and excessive self-criticism, exercised simply out of route habit, isn't good for you or anyone you come in contact with.

Lots of mumbo jumbo - the upshot is this. We are all better people than we think we are; our nature tends to run toward the good, not the bad. And when we see things that aren't right, that aren't good for us or the people we love, we almost always have the option to stand up, to speak truth to power, whether that be someone who cuts in front of you at the grocery store, or a company that profits off others' misery. Question is, when the moment comes, what do you do?

So I've been asking myself this - and I've concluded that to be in a position to do this, you really have to practice self-care. You can't make good judgements and reach the best conclusion when you are perpetually stressed out, over-caffeinated, hopeless, tired. That is precisely the point when you are likely to say "Oh, what the hell, go ahead and roll over the top of me. I just don't have the energy to stop this."

So in 2010, I want to more often than not be in a place where I am alert and committed to NO MORE PEOPLE PLEASING - or at least no mindless people pleasing!

Who's in?

Marriage is so...

Marriage is hot news these days...well, I suppose it always is, given our collective proclivity for foolish choices and the 24/7 nothing-is-sacred-or-secret world we all live in.

But, I have an issue with people who will so readily wave their hand and declare marriage "old-fashioned," "outmoded," "not working" with our 21st century sensibilities.

I just listened to a radio program on this topic - between a comedienne (married 20 yrs/cheated/on the way to divorce) and her friend (married and thus far wants to make it work) and their two different perspectives on marriage. While the snickering is a bit much (and perhaps just the comedienne's unfortunate natural laugh), the overall conversation was fairly interesting.

I also recently read Elizabeth Weil's piece in the NYTimes Magazine. Granted, her thesis was presented in written form rather than spontaneous, broadcast form, and thus, more cogent. For the most part, I'd say her account rang true in most regards.

Now for my two paragraphs: I'd posit that marriage has ALWAYS been a complex relationship between not only two individuals, but all the literal and figurative people that have been and will continue to be a part of those individuals' lives; I'd say all of our quirks/obsessions/gifts/talents ultimately are forged and formed in the kiln of interpersonal interaction, or lack thereof -- we are people and so are ultimately in a near-constant tug of war between craving for and fear of relationships with other people. So we haven't entered into a new reality in that sense, although the number of "people" has exploded when we consider all of the different conduits for "relationship" (i.e., online, virtual), while the trend for depth of relationships is shrinking - many are about as deep as the bowl of a contact lens.

What has changed: our exposure, although it tends to be quite superficial in the main, is expanding each second. And with exposure comes potential comparison - unbridled comparison - with every other person/situation/"dream life" you encounter. I am attempting to paraphrase a Buddhist teacing - that all suffering springs from comparison, between what one has and what one wishes to have or desires.

Am I saying that if we'd compare less and accept more we'd be less miserable? Possibly...I suppose we might also be less inventive, less passionate, less "dreamy" if we simply accepted cold, lumpy porridge and never considered that there might be an alternative, like filet mignon or tiramisu.

But comparison, and striving aside, I also wonder if it is right or just to treat people, especially people one loves, as a commodity to be traded, discarded, replaced, ignored - as a meal to be savored, yes, but ultimately excreted.

Hmmm...lots of mixed metaphors...not the last we've heard on this one.

I

Faceplant, indeed

A friend calls Facebook "Faceplant" -- and it really works, when you think about it.

Faceplant = transplanting the ho-hum, everyday into the magical world of cyberspace, where the downtrodden lift their weary heads and see the beacon of embellishment dangling before them.

Faceplant = planting the seeds of comparison, the source of all misery, according to some.

So who does it hurt, you ask? Well, no one, save for all of us, eventually. It seems that many before have warned if you tell too many lies you start to have difficulty remembering where the truth was in the middle of all the vagueness and inaccuracies.

But maybe I'm an alarmist.

Does diligence deserve pay?

It is a perennnial topic of conversation: fair wages.

And here's an important tip: it's a topic of conversation for EVERYONE...some professions tend to be a bit more vocal about their perceived "undercutting," but it is the rare individual who would 1) acknowledge she's overpaid and 2) do so out loud to another person.

So stay with me on this premise - we all believe we should be paid more for our work than we currently receive.

Some of this perception may be warranted, but in the private and public discussions I've been privy to, there are two underlying assumptions, assumptions which I find fascinating but difficult to quantify and qualify, and thus, unlikely to ultimately be heeded and addressed -- i.e., you will continue to be underpaid.

But back to the assumptions:

1) Certain kinds of work are more important, typically because they are more beneficial to society at large, or perhaps beneficial to very specific, small populations that are "at risk" or in need of special services; but these professions' impact isn't adequately acknowledged by the "system," which means the professionals in these fields are undercompensated.

2) Certain kinds of work require far more diligence and "unseen effort" (usually meaning "off the clock" - which is difficult to quantify for salaried workers) and as such should be compensated with higher wages.

These assumptions make me ask:

1) How do we quantify the benefit attached to work, both for worker and society at large? Does this quantification represent the contributions accurately? Is it objective? Can it be?

2) Should diligence, "giving a damn," caring about your work be rewarded beyond the established wage? If you care more and work harder, should you be compensated? Whose responsibility is it to compensate you -- your employer? Society? The government? Who measures your care, your effort, your ultimate impact in your field? Should quantifiable result be tied to pay? Is employment itself the recognition of your diligence and effort? Is that sufficient? If wages could hypothetically be increased, at what point would the increase be sufficient?

I guess I ask these questions because people frequently complain about their economic suffering with little thought to real solvency and our individual and shared responsibility in relating to one another...economics and wages are yet another instance of human relationship -- they are the mechanism, but at the core of these questions are deeper questions: how do we treat one another? Why is this so? How could it be better? In pursuit of betterment, who loses? Who wins?

Reunited and it feels so....

Hosted a little shindig for co-workers from a DECADE ago -- how am I that old?

At any rate, it was awesome! We went through some decidely dark times at our place of employ - none of us are there any longer - so there's definitely a closeness forged through trudging through the cube farm.

It was a lovely evening...and hopefully we won't wait another decade to do it again!

Do YOU know what your job is...

I had a very weird experience today. A telemarketer wanted a contribution - in this instance for fulfilling terminally ill children's wishes, yet not the same org that most people are familiar with, which was my first 'red flag - and I explained we don't do contributions by phone and asked her to mail me something.

She then began to argue with me about my reply. My thoughts: Do you want my money,  because pissing me off is a sure way to NOT get it.

Oh, she was nasty! I didn't understand why, in her somewhat-scripted response, she didn't refer me to a website, rather than belaboring the price of postage. I finally had it and said, "Look, either send me something by mail or move on to your next call." She hung up.

Neat-o....